Sry I called you an 8
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
