I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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