Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
