it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
