I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
