Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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