'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
