Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
