i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
