Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
