Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
