Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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