we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
