I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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