I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
