So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
