When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
