Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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