we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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