Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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