Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
