u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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