Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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