I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
