Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
