Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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