Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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