Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
