i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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