why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
