A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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