Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
