seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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