I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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