I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
