Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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