I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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