"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
