I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
