dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
