Small penises have feelings too.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize
