Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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