That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
