He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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