Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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