last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
