so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
