She said her name was "party"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
