never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
