Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Farmville is her only friend.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
