have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
