You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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